For a few months now I've been taking the time to really learn about some of my habits, where they stem from and how I can be more aware of them in order to shift them, where needed.
Each of us have habits in our lives, whether we are actively aware of them or not. And having them isn't necessarily a negative thing - something I've had to remind myself of a lot lately.
As I took the time to figure things out, one of the most important things I learned about myself is that I can be helpful...to a fault. That may not seem like something to work on, but trust me, it is.
Raise your hand if you've ever committed to more than you could handle, engaged with someone you knew you didn't need to, or inserted yourself and your skills in a time when maybe they weren't explicitly needed? All hands raised, I'd imagine.
Because so many of us do this, I wanted to make it the focus of thought here, bring some additional awareness to it, and share some of the steps I'm taking in identifying when I do this, and how to evaluate if it's really something I should be engaging in.
I start by considering the situation from a calm and centered place - no distractions from gut feelings. Then I ask myself what my motivation would be for engaging? Is it because I feel obligated? Is it because it's a friend asking? Is it because being involved will help me feel in control?
Then, I do a "gut check" - this is where I sit with the scenario with both outcomes and see what feelings come up for me authentically. Ultimately, a decision that is good for you and others is one where there isn't any fear involved. *Note: fear looks and feels very different at times and can show up in a myriad of ways. That's why it's one of the key components in Overture.
From there, if it's a "no" it's got to be a "no" and you have to stick with it - believe me, you'll be glad you did.
I can't tell you how many times now I've done something that I thought was "helpful" and ultimately wasn't. I don't regret them, because each one of these scenarios taught me a ton, but I will say that incorporating this awareness as much as I can has helped me avoid a lot of pain and headache.
My hope is that considering this in your life will bring you greater awareness and peace. Remember, too, that we are all a work in progress!